I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I try to act like I can get through anything. I try to be tough and put on a brave face every day. But it's getting really difficult. Bi-lateral Meniere's Disease is taking over my life. I feel like I'm losing it, mentally and literally. Mentally I feel like I'm going crazy with the constant ringing and buzzing in my ears. Lately it's been so bad I can't hear anything. I'm feeling alone and isolated without my hearing. I'm running out of things I can do by myself, without the conversation of others. I try reading books, painting or crafting, but at times I'm too dizzy that I can't even do that. Lately, as soon as I get into a good book or start on a new painting everything starts to spin. Heck, I can't even sleep without getting dizzy. I woke up at 2 this morning with the room spinning and all I could do is pray that I would just go back to sleep so that it would all stop.
So that's what I've been doing the last couple of days....sleeping, resting and losing it. I'm literally losing everything around me. I've lost my independence because I can't drive. I can't work anymore. I can't really go anywhere alone for fear that I will have a vertigo attack or at the very least I won't be able to hear what someone is trying to say to me. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I just want to be normal. I want to be able to go to work, run errands on my own, talk on the phone with family and friends. I want to be happy. But I can't. Because of Meniere's Disease I've lost my job, my independence, my ability to have a child. It's all gone. And now I'm losing my home. My young adult life is wasting away. I feel like an old lady, unable to hear or walk on my own sometimes. It's like I'm an 80 year old woman with the spirit of a young 30 year old. My spirit is still very much alive. I feel young, energetic and creative. I want to do more. But instead I'm stuck on the couch losing everything...watching everything I love around me disappear. Waiting for the room to stop spinning and the tinnitus to stop screaming in my ears.
Thanks for listening, or reading I guess. Thanks for being there for me. Hoping you're having a dizzy free day.
Much Love,
Shanon
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now. I'm bilateral too, and have had Meniere's for 23 years (since I was 17.) I also spend a lot of time reading and doing arts and crafts until I'm too dizzy to function. I hope this cycle passes soon for you. I find I'm at my worst when the weather changes, but then it gets better as things stabilize. I hope you feel better soon. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThanks Judy. I can't imagine living with this for 23 years! I'm sorry. I wish there was a way to get through this easier but your support is appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI was diagnosed with meniere's disease around 1994. I am now 53. I am so feeling for you! I used to have vertigo worse than now. Have you heard of Shea Ear Clinic in Memphis, Tn.? On October 11,12&13th I underwent a 3 day ear perfusion procedure. It was called, streptomycin dexamethasone perfusion of the labyrinth via the round window which was done on my left ear. I was given an IV each if those 3 days with the same steroid & antibiotic that they injected into my ear. I was rushed in for my surgery due to an unbelievable roaring in my ear which I had suffered for 2 months straight. The first day 10-11-11 he injected a cream base which numbed my ear drum. He then put me to sleep & made a small incision on my eardrum. He injected the meds. The procedure only takes 10 minutes. The next 2 days I received the same injections. This was on an out-patient basics. They have their own operating room on 2nd floor as well as a hotel for those from out if town. The founder, John Shea invented this procedure as I recall. You can google him & research lots of info. I am about one week post opt & still have noise but they told me some get a little worse before they get better. I was desperate to try anything! I tried to just be normal & grocery shop yesterday but it made me worse. I nearly had a mental breakdown with all the noise in the store! I am highly sensitive to any little sound as it sounds amplyfied in my ear. I am new at this as far as blogging but I feel it helps me to reach out.
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting nannette. I have not heard of this procedure. I will definitely be doing some research on it. Please keep us posted on how you're doing and what the results of your surgery turn out to be. Thanks for getting in touch here on the blog. Wishing you all the best.
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