Five Stages of Grief

Well, I've asked you to share your stories here on the blog, so I thought it would only be appropriate that I share mine. Sorry if I get too wordy but hopefully those of you who have been there will understand...

They say that there are five developmental stages of grief that one goes through when dealing with crisis:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

When I was diagnosed with bi-lateral Meniere's Disease in January of 2007 I had no idea that I was going to suffer through these stages over the next four (plus) years of my life.

By now, we all know what Meniere's Disease is and how the debilitating illness can nearly ruin your life. How the anxiety and worry of another attack can leave a person living in fear day after day. Going through all this stress and sickness, it's no surprise that this crisis will make you go through the five stages of grief.

Step 1: Denial - I was actually diagnose with Meniere's Disease in the right ear several years before I started to develop bi-lateral (both ears) Meniere's Disease. This was relatively easy to deal with (in comparison) for me. Now don't get me wrong, Meniere's Disease is no picnic whether it's in one ear or both, and for every sufferer it's different. Trust me, I've read about many unilateral sufferers of Meniere's Disease that go through the debilitating symptoms. But for me it was not that big of a deal. For the most part if I followed the low salt, no alcohol or caffeine diet I was relatively fine. I still suffered from minor hearing loss and tinnitus in the right ear and the occasional, 1 maybe 2 vertigo episodes a year. For the most part it was very manageable. So when I started to develop hearing loss and tinnitus in my left ear around 2005 the denial set in. I actually thought that maybe I was imagining the ringing in my ear, or that it would just go away after awhile. But of course it didn't and I soon found myself visiting my audiologist who originally diagnosed me with Meniere's Disease in my right ear so many years before. Needless to say neither one of us were very happy to see each other again under the circumstances. After several audio tests and discussing my new symptoms, he was certain I was showing signs of bi-lateral Meniere's Disease, but even he was having feelings of denial. Since Meniere's in one ear is a very rare condition and usually happens in older patients, bi-lateral Meniere's is EXTREMELY rare and almost NEVER happens in young patients. I was only 27 years-old at the time...luck me! So, while he knew what his prognosis was he though it would be best if I visited an ear specialist in Kansas City (about an hour away). Here I went through many of the same audio tests and questions about my symptoms. As well as, cat scans, MRI's and lots of blood work to rule out tumors, autoimmune disorders, Lyme's disease, AIDS, bacterial infections, etc. You name it, I was probably tested for it. After all the tests and scans came back normal, the only conclusion left was bi-lateral Meniere's Disease. But how could this be? How could an otherwise healthy young woman have this awful condition? Now both of my doctors were puzzled and still hesitant to say with certainty that this was in fact bi-lateral Meniere's Disease. After more than a year of testing and different medications my doctors decided to recommend me to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota. It was there in January of 2007 where I spent 2 days with numerous doctors performing test after test that I was FINALLY sent home with a definitive diagnosis of bi-lateral Meniere's Disease accompanied with migraine headaches. In many ways I was devastated, but for the most part I was relieved. I finally had a diagnosis and I thought I could accept this condition and move on with my life. Or so I thought. You see, it's not so easy to accept something like this, and little did I know that I was still going through the first step. Denial. I had a long bumpy road ahead of me...

Tomorrow I will continue on my road to acceptance and hope to hear more of your stories!

Today I'm having a pretty good day. So far this morning I've done some yoga and meditated on the back deck. Had my breakfast and spent some time working in the office. Up next, I'll be spending some time in my art studio. I love good days! :)

Much Love,
Shanon